Are You Raising a Bully? Part 1

In 1992 Ian Moore and Tyrone Sinkler, who were both in high school at the time, had a fall out with a buddy Khali Sumpter.  They started hurling insults and making threats at Khali.  Eventually things exploded when a threatened Khali brought a .38 caliber pistol to school and shot both boys to death in the school hall way.  Tragic instances like these and much more recent events involving suicides and school shootings show that bullying is becoming an outright crisis leaving many victims withdrawn and depressed.  There can be various causes for bullying; however one of the more insidious factors comes from parents who are unknowingly contributing to producing children who aren’t emotionally competent.

Just a few weeks ago I was at the YMCA with my wife and daughter when I heard a lady in the play area providing some choice words for her son.  She clearly appeared frustrated and stated to her son “You come out of that play area or I will slap you”. That was before she threw out a few other utterances which I will not repeat in this column.  

 Daniel Cohen illustrates in his book Emotional Intelligence about the importance of parents becoming versed on producing emotionally well-adjusted kids.  According to Cohen the process should start at birth.   Studies have shown that the first three or four years of life are crucial to a child’s learning due to the rapid brain development that is taking place.

There is clear evidence that parents who capriciously yell, scream, or hit can instill a form of combativeness and paranoia in their children.  In more severe cases when children are being abused it can naturally warp a child’s natural bent towards empathy which can help explain why some children mercilessly act aggressive towards other children.   Even as children enter the middle and high school years they have far to go in emotional development and often times utilize lousy judgment.  Teenagers who bully often fail to connect the long term consequences their actions have on others.

Discipline is not embarrassing or bullying your child. Instead it requires discipline with love, self-control, and proper direction.   Parenting is a 24/7 responsibility and we owe it to society to produce socially well-adjusted children who understand the importance of self -control, discernment, and tactful responses to their peers.  How many tragedies involving teen suicides, school shootings, or damaged psyches would be avoided if parents would forgo other distractions in life to better focus on shaping a child’s formative years of life?   Sometimes we don’t realize how much our children really need our attention and nurturing but God does and our children ultimately belong to him.   Instead of helplessly watching bullying tragedies unfold let us instead look within our own four walls and ask ourselves if we are being good stewards of God’s wonderful gift of children.